I Was a Little Girl

I was a little girl
I was a little boy
I played with dolls and trucks
And other children’s toys

I wore my sister’s dress
I wore my brother’s shirt
And played house with Mary
And with Tommy in the dirt

I do not have a preference
Being both is fine with me
But the world doesn’t like that
And I do not feel free

Some clothes there are for women
Some clothes there are for men
I want to wear them both
Perhaps some day – but when

Huddled

The woman in my arms was beautiful

She was stunning, seductive, and filled with a charming wit
We huddled under that blanket
Awaiting word of a fire so we could go warm by it

Her arm around me was a comfort
And when we leaned close I felt a happy warmth inside
It was tempting to turn and to kiss her
But I didn’t know, and so I let it just ride

Too soon the fire was ready
Too soon we cast away our cloak and gave up being one
But I always remember that weekend
Being with her like that was just fun

Sex

Sex can be fun
It can be a total abandonment of self
Fast and furious it builds like a roller coaster
Ending with a thrill that shakes the heart

Sex can be joy
A concentration of thought and deed
Slow and cautious it tantalizes to peak
A thrill of passion that never should end

Sex can be mean
Use by one as power to abuse the other
The purpose to show helplessness
And a disdain that hurts the heart

Sex can be lonely
When the body craves without satisfaction
Hands can glide and move with knowledge
But there’s no spirit with which to connect

Sex is touching
But not just bodies which rise and quiver
It’s the closest we ever reach another
To merge with them and be loved

I have had sex
In the real world and in the pretend
But it’s not the body’s pleasure I seek
It’s the love which gives me peace

Butterflies

They say let butterflies go
and fly to wherever they will
For if they are yours they'll return to you
and in freedom they'll be with you still

But of course there is the reverse
where the butterfly never returns
And now sorrow becomes a death pyre
A flame that eternally burns

The Fight

Awake
In the middle of the night
With memories

The horrible fight
The words you said
The things you believed

It was all a misunderstanding
What you heard is not what I said
Not what I meant

But with those words
A love was ended
Pain beyond enduring

That feeling of betrayal
When in fact
Nobody was betrayed

How I hate myself sometimes

Life's Lesson

I have a temper
Stubbornness is another fault of mine
My words can cut deeply
Bitter things Like a poorly made wine

Temper teaches me
The lessons it gives are not fun
But I think I'm better after
When life's temper lesson is done

But lessons are hard
They are like falling from a tree
The hardest lesson of all is when
My lover learned to live without me

How It Was

We were lovers
We shared a small place not far from town
You grew a vegetable garden in the back
I planted flowers in the front

Evenings we would stroll the path down to the river
I would hold your hand
Sometimes we would see the fox come down for a drink
But not often

When we got caught in the rain it was funny
I teased you about being wet and you pushed me in the river
But you came in after me and pulled me out
I had never kissed in the rain before

By the time we got home we were both wet
And we knew what to do about that
I loved the way you made love to me
I wish - I could have been that good for you

But you don't talk to me anymore
When I put my arms around you, you pull away
There are no words between us
No reason for us to stay

Goodbye, my love