I Was a Little Girl

I was a little girl
I was a little boy
I played with dolls and trucks
And other children’s toys

I wore my sister’s dress
I wore my brother’s shirt
And played house with Mary
And with Tommy in the dirt

I do not have a preference
Being both is fine with me
But the world doesn’t like that
And I do not feel free

Some clothes there are for women
Some clothes there are for men
I want to wear them both
Perhaps some day – but when

Huddled

The woman in my arms was beautiful

She was stunning, seductive, and filled with a charming wit
We huddled under that blanket
Awaiting word of a fire so we could go warm by it

Her arm around me was a comfort
And when we leaned close I felt a happy warmth inside
It was tempting to turn and to kiss her
But I didn’t know, and so I let it just ride

Too soon the fire was ready
Too soon we cast away our cloak and gave up being one
But I always remember that weekend
Being with her like that was just fun

Sex

Sex can be fun
It can be a total abandonment of self
Fast and furious it builds like a roller coaster
Ending with a thrill that shakes the heart

Sex can be joy
A concentration of thought and deed
Slow and cautious it tantalizes to peak
A thrill of passion that never should end

Sex can be mean
Use by one as power to abuse the other
The purpose to show helplessness
And a disdain that hurts the heart

Sex can be lonely
When the body craves without satisfaction
Hands can glide and move with knowledge
But there’s no spirit with which to connect

Sex is touching
But not just bodies which rise and quiver
It’s the closest we ever reach another
To merge with them and be loved

I have had sex
In the real world and in the pretend
But it’s not the body’s pleasure I seek
It’s the love which gives me peace

Butterflies

They say let butterflies go
and fly to wherever they will
For if they are yours they'll return to you
and in freedom they'll be with you still

But of course there is the reverse
where the butterfly never returns
And now sorrow becomes a death pyre
A flame that eternally burns

The Fight

Awake
In the middle of the night
With memories

The horrible fight
The words you said
The things you believed

It was all a misunderstanding
What you heard is not what I said
Not what I meant

But with those words
A love was ended
Pain beyond enduring

That feeling of betrayal
When in fact
Nobody was betrayed

How I hate myself sometimes

Life's Lesson

I have a temper
Stubbornness is another fault of mine
My words can cut deeply
Bitter things Like a poorly made wine

Temper teaches me
The lessons it gives are not fun
But I think I'm better after
When life's temper lesson is done

But lessons are hard
They are like falling from a tree
The hardest lesson of all is when
My lover learned to live without me

How It Was

We were lovers
We shared a small place not far from town
You grew a vegetable garden in the back
I planted flowers in the front

Evenings we would stroll the path down to the river
I would hold your hand
Sometimes we would see the fox come down for a drink
But not often

When we got caught in the rain it was funny
I teased you about being wet and you pushed me in the river
But you came in after me and pulled me out
I had never kissed in the rain before

By the time we got home we were both wet
And we knew what to do about that
I loved the way you made love to me
I wish - I could have been that good for you

But you don't talk to me anymore
When I put my arms around you, you pull away
There are no words between us
No reason for us to stay

Goodbye, my love

Foggy Dream

Living in a dream
A fog to hide the truth
Reality is so painful, so why not live where lies abound

To be beautiful
To hear the word, "I love you"
Spoken by a lover. Is it wrong to wish for the impossible

The tears of the heart
They fill a broken spirit
The body will heal, but how will the spirit ever mend

I Love You Simone

When she touched me the first time I thought it was by accident and I tried to pretend I hadn’t noticed

But the truth was that I liked it. Her hand was gentle, and when it brushed my shoulder I felt a chill, and a shortness of breath

I found myself seeking excuses to stand near to her, only partially sub-conscious of my own selfish motives
And when she looked at me I smiled. I wanted her to know, somehow, that I liked it when she touched me

She must have got the message, for she touched my arm again. And this time she did not pull away
I turned to her. I know my eyes were bright. Joy was leaping from my very bosom. My skin began to tingle

When the food was ready she put her hand on the small of my back and guided me to the dining area
I tried not to blush, but how does one do that anyway? I was feeling warm. She made me feel special. Even pretty.

When she sat beside me I was glad. And more than once I found a reason to accidentally bump her thigh with mine.
She knew. And she ceased my silly antics with a steady pressure of her leg against mine. I was comforted.

She asked if she could drive me home. And I said yes. It was all happening as I desired. Oh, thank you, God. Oh, thank you.
And as we drove she casually asked if I was interested in seeing where she lived. She had asked my desire.

She owned her own small house. A dainty thing, with two bedrooms and two baths. She gave me a tour.
When we came to her bedroom she invited me in. And I went. I was shaking with anticipation.

She took me in her arms and kissed me. Such a warm and loving kiss I had never before known.
Her hands slid over my shoulders, and took down the zipper of my dress.

I had never done this before. And I confess that I was scared. But she was gentle, kind and loving.
I let her undress me to my panties. I let her kiss my breasts. She played with my ears. And then played more with the rest.

She showed me what to do. So I could do it right for her. And such feeling I had not known. Oh, if it could last forever.
What she did to me I did to her. I had never thought I could. But I loved her from the start. And from the start I knew I would.

I live with her now. We share the house. The house with two small rooms with beds.
But when it’s time to go to bed, with each other we do rest.

I love you, Simone.

A Woman in Love

To be a woman and love a woman is called by some a sin
Yet not to love is sin to God, how can a young girl win

Women should not love women, they say that is the truth
But read of these two women, Naomi and Ruth

Why should love be turned aside, and why be it so despised
To fill with hate and self abate is just the work of lies

And so saying God despises love to me does not seem wise
For love is what God really is, without love spirits will all die

I Was in Love

I was in love
It was so very long ago
Joy was in my heart as I understood
I was happy

But love rejected is painful
It’s no fun to be disgusting
Being laughed at can hurt
Tossed as garbage is worst of all

Love repeats
It finds a new lover
It seeks new hope in friendship
But it is always dashed to ground

The years go by
The pattern repeats
Like a phonograph record which spins
In time the very act of loving causes pain

First Time

I let your hands caress me
You touched me as you shouldn’t
Was I wrong to grant you license
And let you have your way
It wasn’t until after
That I felt shame for what we’d done
It was different than how I’d dreamed is all
I didn’t mean to cry
.

We Were Friends

The days we shared were fun

We laughed and played together
I knew what you were thinking
You knew my thoughts as well
Our friendship seemed eternal
Until I said I loved you
Why is it friends can't be in love

When the Wind is Right

When the wind is right
When the sun is high in the sky
When summer smells fill the air
I think of you
And remember how it was

Then the wind goes wrong
The sun hides behind clouds
Winter chill attacks my bones
I think of you
And remember how it ended
.

Love's Regret

And I loved you deeply
My heart it was yours
To you I belonged
I was myself no more

But truly such love
Was not your desire
For you gave none to me
And burned mine with fire

What was it you hated
That I wanted to give
Was it my face or my voice
Or how I wanted to live

We had once been friends
Until I told you that day
That I loved you so true
What more could I say

But to be loved by a girl
Was not your sweet way
You could not love me
You could not be gay

Occasionally I see you
You’ll stop and we’ll talk
Sometimes you’ll be lonely
And we’ll go for a walk
I remember the day
On my shoulder you wept
And said that with me
You wished you had slept

Perhaps one day soon
My dearest sweet love
We belong together
Like hands in their gloves

What Did I Do Wrong

Why do you hate me, mommy

I didn’t mean to be bad

Don’t hit me no more

Don’t say you hate me

Mommies aren’t supposed to hate

I must be really bad
.

I Thought I Would Attempt Some Poetry

I have been visiting Sarah L's blog. I like it.

Sarah has been writing poetry in a nice, direct style. She says so much in just a few words. It's very touching and meaningful.

I have things to say, too. Only I'm not so good at poetry as Sarah. But Sarah's poetry inspired me to try my hand today, and I wrote two poems, trying to mimic Sarah's style. I hope it isn't bad, mimicking like that, but I needed a starting point. I'm not putting them on my normal blog because I want to keep keep that for discussion about woman-to-woman characters. This blog will be poems reflecting my thoughts. These are from my past. I saw the one and lived the other.

Who Can Be Afraid

And he was a little boy, and he was insecure
He wet his bed and he wet his pants, because that’s what insecure little boys do
He was punished
He did not understand what he had done wrong
Then he realized
He was afraid
Being afraid is bad
But how does one not be afraid
He had to wear diapers, in front of the family
Punishment should be humiliating
But more importantly, babies can be afraid
When his little boy shorts were wet he had to wear his sister’s panties
Punishment should be humiliating
But more importantly, girls can be afraid
When his sister wet her pants she didn’t have to wear a diaper
She was almost his age
When his sister’s panties were wet she didn’t have to wear his shorts
She was almost his age
Babies can be afraid
Girls can be afraid
Little boys cannot be afraid
But if little boys wear little girl clothes, they can be afraid
Just don’t get caught

What She's Supposed to Do

And she was a big girl, strong, and pretty, and a girl
And she liked being taken care of, and she liked being independent
She thought she was smart and she thought she understood
But she was a girl, you know
Her daddy took her fishing, her and her brother
What fun to be in a boat
What fun to ride the water
But when can we go back
Don’t be a pest, don’t bother Daddy
We’re here to fish
So be quiet
When can we go to shore
She didn’t understand why they couldn’t go to shore
She didn’t understand why she couldn’t ask to go to shore
But she was a girl, you know
To sit in wet pants is no fun at all
To be caught in wet pants is humiliating
At least it was okay
That’s what she was supposed to do
She was a girl, you know